Mathematical innuendo

Here are some primarily mathematical double-entendres conceived by members of the Trinity Mathematicians’ Alcoholic Society. Some of them are biological or particle-physical, but never mind. Also, some names are censored for legal reasons.

Disclaimer: I accept no responsibility for any offence caused by these; if you’re offended, comment and I shall endeavour to respond to the best of my ability.

• I’m like the Riemann zeta function; I have a massive pole — Emperor of TMAS (me)
• You put a whole new angle on — Empress of TMAS
• I’m so smooth, I’m infinitely differentiable — Vice-President of TMAS
• I’m like the blancmange function; I’m tasty and not well-behaved — Emperor of TMAS (me)
• You’re a photon, because you make my light shine — First Gentleman of TMAS
• If I were an enzyme, I’d be helicase so I could unzip your genes — Humphrey Galbraith, nephew of Lord Strathclyde
• You’re the integral of — Joe Tomkinson
• I wish you were my maths example sheet, because then I’d turn up to my supervision and explain why I didn’t do you properly — Vice-President of TMAS
• If I were endoplasmic reticulum, would you like me rough or smooth? — Sara Devereux
• I wish you were my maths example sheet, because I’d do you even if I didn’t understand you. — First Gentleman of TMAS
• I wish you were an integral, because then I could substitute and do you anyway — Humphrey
• My girlfriend is like the integral of ; I can’t do her without cheating — Vice-President of TMAS
• I wish you were my multiplicative inverse, because together we’d be one — First Gentleman of TMAS
• I wish I were your derivative, because then I could lie tangent to your curves — a fellow RMM gold medallist
• If I were a Schwarz cell, I’d be on your axon for some fast-action potential — Anonymous
• My love for you is unbounded and monotone increasing — Empress of TMAS
• She’s like an asymptote; I get closer and closer but never reach her — Communal effort
• If I were , you would be ; I’d be contained in you — Ryan Wilson
• Our intersection is very pleasurable, let’s try our union…? — Joe Tomkinson
• Particle physics really gives me a hadron — First Gentleman of TMAS
• If you were , I’d be , because then we’d be osculating — the same fellow RMM gold medallist
• Our love is like the naturals and the ocean floor; it’s deep and infinite — First Gentleman of TMAS
• I’m like a rigorously proved theorem; I can last forever — Emperor of TMAS (me)
• Are you an electron, because then you’d be lepton? — Anonymous
• You are my only element; without you I’d be empty — First Gentleman of TMAS
• You’re like a sporadic group, beautiful and mysterious — Emperor of TMAS (me)